Tales of MegaCon 2012: Mitch vs BIG ANGRY RUSSIAN GUY

Yesterday, I promisedMegaCon 2012 story about John “Hex” Carter. So, on the off-chance that’s why you’re back, here it is.

Hex was set up at MegaCon 2012 three tables south of John Beatty and I.  As you can see from the photo, Hex is a big guy.  When in character, as he was for MegaCon, Hex speaks in a deep, booming Russian voice.  Imagine a mean, angry Cossack’s thunderous voice and then think a little scarier.

The other guy in the photo is Mitch HymanMitch is a funny guy. If he heard me say that, Mitch would say something like, “Yeah, but looks aren’t everything.”  Mitch is a much smaller guy than Hex.  Oh, and Mitch had never met or even seen Hex before.

So it’s early on Saturday and Mitch is telling Beatty and I one of his many humorous stories when Mitch says something about his Russian grandma’s beard — and follows that up with something to the effect of, “You know all Russian women have beards.”

I say, “Hey Mitch!  You better be careful what you say about Russian women and beards.”

Mitch questions a look at me and says, “Yeah?  Why’s that?”

Perfect, he’s given me my in.  “Because if the BIG RUSSIAN GUY hears you, he might take offense.”

Mitch cracks a smile, thinking I’m joking and replies, “Let him take offense.  I’ll kick his *** if he doesn’t like it.”


Mitch replies, “Really” and looks at me like it’s my move.

So while returning Mitch’s stare, I yell: “Hey BIG RUSSIAN GUY!”

On cue, Hex rises to his full height, raises his arms in the air and yells in that booming, scary Cossack voice: “Vhat?”

The look on Mitch’s face is priceless.  There is no way that Mitch  believed that there was a Russian around, much less a BIG RUSSIAN GUY who might be angry about his comment.  Mitch immediately says to me, “Don’t get me in trouble with this guy.”

Ignoring Mitch, I instead point to him and yell to the BIG RUSSIAN: “This guy says that all Russians are…”

Mitch quietly says to me, “Zablo, don’t get my butt kicked.”

I continue: “...SISSIES!”

With that Hex, in character roars: “RUSSIANS are not SISSIES!” and he begins stomping down to our table.  Mitch goes paler, if you can believe that.  Hex stomps down to the table.  For a split  second Mitch stands frozen in his spot staring up at the huge angry Russian. Then we all have a good laugh and I get them to pose for photos.