Category: Books

Santa vs Satan; Rocky vs Rambo Are Two Fights in Santa vs Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

A little over a year ago, I was contacted by Jake Kalish. He said that he was writing a book about imaginary fights and was looking for expert opinions. Jake wanted me to weigh in on the Rocky vs Rambo fight. So I did. Jake recently contacted me to let me know that a copy of the book, Santa vs Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights would be coming my way and that a link to the StalloneZone was printed along with my commentary. Here’s how I saw the fight:

  • “Rocky Balboa vs John Rambo. Its the battle of the ages (and no, not because they’re, at this point, no longer spring chickens). Sylvester Stallone is brought in as the guest ref. There will be no judges as this is a fight to the finish. Rambo starts out fast and takes an early lead as he gives Rocky a beating that would kill most men… BUT… Rocky… never quits. In the later rounds Rocky made a comeback and looks to have Rambo beat. After twelve grueling rounds with both men bloody and bruised, Sylvester Stallone, in a SLY (groan) move, calls the fight a draw.” – Craig Zablo

How did the other experts see the fight? Ari Voukydis went with Rocky in an upset, Graham Thompson said it was Rambo in an easy win, and Roger Barr gave the nod to Rambo. Jake Kalish says Rambo wins via split decision.

If you’re wondering about the other fights in the book, there are some imaginative ones: Muhammad Ali vs Bruce Lee, Han Solo vs Indiana Jones, Donald Duck vs Daffy Duck, Michael Corleone vs Tony Montana, My Dad vs Your Dad, Captain Crunch vs Tony the Tiger. Each fight has expert opinions and then Jake gives us the “official” fight commentary and results.The book reminds me of junior high kids wasting an afternoon deciding “who would win if…” [Not that there’s anything wrong with that.] I do have to caution that sometimes the humor crosses the line of good taste, but if you can get past a few, “I can’t believe he wrote that moments” you’ll find plenty of chuckles as you drift back to junior high and think about “who would win if…”

– Craig

Prayers for the Assassin

The Pitch: “Red Dawn“ with Islamic Radicals25 years later [and without the teenage freedom fighter aspect].

The Overview: The year is 2040 and the United States is long gone, replaced by the Islamic Republic and Bible Belt. Both factions exist in a state of constant unease. Sarah, the daughter of an important Islamic leader is missing. She was working on a book which could show that the demise of the United States may not have happened the way the history books say. Rakkim, her lover and a former member of the Fedayeen, is on her trail. So to, is Darwin, a sadistic assassin.

The Good: Ferrigno creates a world that could exist now. It’s the subtle changes that jolt. “The second half of the Super Bowl began right after midday prayers.” // The book could accurately be described as action-adventure or mystery or science fiction. // The pace is quick. // There are plenty of twists and mysteries. // Rakkim is a very cool, very capable hero. // Darwin is the ultimate assassin. “My name is Darwin. I’ll be your killer tonight.” // The scenes with the “werewolves” [which are not really werewolves]. // The SWAT ambush. // The entire book.

The Bad: “See there? Your liver’s been shredded. Amazing how quickly the bile backs up when the ducts have exploded. The human body… what a playground.” // “You’ll be dead in a couple of hours, but I wanted us to have some time together first. I so very rarely get to discuss my handiwork.”

The Ugly: What happens to Sarah early on.

The Summary: Robert Ferrigno is an excellent writer. I started reading Ferrigno’s work with The Horse Lattitudes, his first novel and my favorite by him. Prayers for the Assassin now has that honor. There is a chance that it may soon be replaced by Sins of the Assassin, the second in the Assassin trilogy. It sits in my To Be Read stack calling me back to a world very much like, yet subtly different than, that outside our windows today.

You Say Fantasy, I Say Horror

One of my favorite authors, Charlie Huston is the subject of this interview at FantasyBookCritic.

Huston’s new Joe Pitt novel, Every Last Drop comes out next month, so that’s probably the reason for the interview… and I guess Every Last Drop could be classified as “fantasy” since it features modern day vampires. Still, if anyone asks me, its genre when I’m reading Every Last Drop, I’m going with “horror.”

Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse

The Pitch: “Mad Max“ meets your real life.

The Overview: Through a series of events [natural disasters, flu epidemic, wall street collapse, nuclear bombs blasts, etc.] the world as we know it is gone. Mortimer Tate, (formerly) an insurance salesman, has spent the last nine years alone in a cave. Tate saw the end coming and was prepared for it. Now after nine years, Tate is ready to venture out and see what, if anything, is left of civilization. Through his journey he will meet heroes, villains, survivalists, business men, cannibals, mad men and more. [Doesn’t sound like much has changed does it?]

The Good: Gischler provides just the right mix of horror, gore, and humor. // The pace is quick. // There are plenty of twists and just the right number of outrageous characters. // How the trains are powered. // “Jack Daniels: The Tradition Survives.” // “The man sitting in the throne stood to face Mortimer. He wasn’t ten feet tall, not even eight. But he was seven feet if he was an inch, and when he smiled, Mortimer saw the man’s teeth had been filed to points. He wore a leather vest, no shirt, muscles rippling like Conan. He had a square Frankenstein face, greasy hair. He carried a wooden club like a caveman’s. He wore a necklace of human ears and noses. Mortimer gulped. “Who dares come to see the Red Czar?” His voice was thunder.” – The next two paragraphs are worth the price of the book alone!

The Bad: What happens to trespassers. What happens to those caught by cannibals. And perhaps worst of all what happens after Ruth steps aside!

The Ugly: Mother Lola… oh, the horror, the horror.

The Summary: Victor Gischler is a very good writer. I’ve read Gun Monkeys and The Pistol Poets and would recommend them to those who enjoy crime novels. His latest, Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse is even better. If the title alone doesn’t get you to run out and pick up a copy, then I’m curious as to why you’ve read this deep into my review. And if you’ve read this far, you know you gonna love the book!

Severance Package

The Pitch: “Three Days of the Condor“ meets “Die Hard.“

The Overview: Seven staffers for a small financial firm are called in for an early Saturday morning meeting. They convene in the conference room on the 36th floor of the isolated and deserted office building. The meeting is called to order and the CEO tells them that the company is closing down and unfortunately all of them are going to have to die. The good news, if you can call it that is that they can drink poison that will kill them instantly. The bad news is a bullet to the brain awaits those who want to opt out. Should they try to run and are lucky enough to get out of the office, the floor and all doors out have been laced with poisonous gas and booby traps. Bottoms up, anyone?

The Good: Swierczynski’s novels move and Severance Package is no exception. The security guard, Vincent Marella, [a familiar face if you‘ve read The Blonde] tries to overome his fears and do the right thing. The cover and illustrations by Dennis Calero. What people are willing to go through to survive. The twists that Swierczynski throws in to keep things interesting. Stuart’s belief that it’s all a training exercise and how he plans to excel. The last page.

The Bad: Performing a tracheotomy on yourself. The Vincent Marella’s luck. What happens to Jamie’s hand/fingers.

The Ugly: “She was fixated so much, she didn’t fully notice when something cold and wet lashed across her wrists.”

The Summary: I’ve been singing praises for Duane Swierczynski since I discovered The Wheelman just under two years ago. I loved it. I then sought out Secret Dead Men and was impressed. From that point on, I have purchased Swierczynski’s novels as each was released [The Blonde and now Severance Package]. Each one has left me looking forward to the next. What better praise can there be for a writer? [Click HERE if you’d like to hear how Duane Swierczynski came up with the idea for Severance Package.]

Dirty Money – Clean Fun

The Pitch: The Getaway meets Parker.

The Overview: Dirty Money is part of a trilogy that started with Nobody Runs Forever and Ask The Parrot. Written by Richard Stark [aka Donald Westlake] and featuring his creation, the hard case thief known simply as Parker who is trying to recover over 2 million in stolen loot that he had to abandon when the cops began to close in. The area is still buzzing with cops… there’s a bounty hunter getting closer and closer… oh, and did I mention that one of his partners has turned on him?

The Good: Stark‘s Parker is such a cool, iconic character. The novel never feels like I’m reading fiction.

The Bad: Waking up to find a former partner holding a gun on you.

The Ugly: What happens when you try to cross Parker.

The Summary: If you’re a fan of Richard Stark’s Parker series, you’ve probably already read Dirty Money. If you’re new to the character, you can jump right in with any of the books. Although the last three have been written as a trilogy, they also work as stand alone novels.

“The Road” – Hopefully Another “No Country for Old Men” Level Film!

ComingSoon.net scored six photos from The Road, the big screen adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s best selling, award-winning novel of the same name. Viggo Mortensen [is this guy on a roll, or what?], headlines a cast that includes Robert Duvall, Charlize Theron and Guy Pearce.My hope is that it will be as good as the last adaptation of a Cormac McCarthy novel [No Country for Old Men]. Is that too much to ask?

Robert B. Parker’s Appaloosa: Feelings Get You Killed [2008]


I’m really looking forward to the movie adaptation of Robert B. Parker’s novel Appaloosa. The screenplay is co-written and directed by Ed Harris, who also takes a starring role as gunfighter, Virgil Cole. Viggo Mortenson plays his partner, Everett Hitch. If that’s not enough star power, to get your motor running, then consider that Rene Zelwegger, Jeremy Irons, Lance Henrikson and Rex Linn also will show up for the festivities.

Here’s a link to the official website. If you check it out you won’t findmuch other than a link to the movie’s poster and first trailer. It’s worth a click to see both.My hope is that Appaloosa will do well enough at the box office for Ed Harris to film the entire trilogy [Appaloosa, Resolution and the yet to be published Brimstone].

Robert B. Parker’s Resolution

The Pitch: Themes from Robert B. Parker’s Spenser written as a western.

The Good: Robert B. Parker‘s writing. It‘s sparse and conversational, but I really like it. The verbal interplay between Everett Hitch and Virgil Cole. How Hitch becomes the town “protector.” What happens when the person you sided with turns out to be the “bad guy.” Cole‘s reputation as a gunfighter. “Sometimes you got to kill one person early, to save killing four or five later.” When Cato and Rose ride in. Major Lujack and his twenty versus Everett, Virgil, Cato and Rose.

The Bad: Virgil Cole‘s love for Allie.

The Ugly: What happens to someone blasted with an eight-gauge shotgun.

The Summary: Resolution is a direct sequel to Appaloosa. It’s Parker’s third western. His first was Gunman’s Rhapsody which took a look at the events involving Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday, the Clantons and an incident at the OK Corral. You may have heard something of it. At any rate, all three books get my recommendation. [And you really should read Appaloosa before Resolution!]

Get the Digital Plague

The Pitch: “D.O.A” meets Avery Cates with the world in the balance.

The Overview: In Jeff Somers‘ sequel to The Electric Church, Avery Cates is kidnapped and injected with nanobots that infect and slowly kill anyone near him. First it’s his friends who begin to get sick and die. Then people who have come into contact with his friends. Cates must find someone with a cure and then figure out why he was chosen to be the source of the outbreak. If he can do those two things, there’s a good chance he can save himself and the world. If he can’t, he’ll die trying… and either way, he plans to kill a lot of people.

The Good: Jeff Somers‘ writing. Avery Cates. The opening line: “I was going to have to kill a whole lot of people.” The story moves. Happling and Hense. The twists. How zombies are worked into the story and the explanation for them. The reason behind Cates being selected for the source of the plague. Jae Lee is back with a cover illustration.

The Bad: What happens to those infected with the nanobots. What Avery Cates is put through.

The Ugly: What happens to city populations as the plague runs rampant.

The Summary: I predicted that The Electric Church would make my list of Best Books of 2008. I liked the The Digital Plague even better!

I can’t wait to see what Jeff Somers has in store for Avery Cates in his next adventure, The Eternal Prison. In the mean time, I have Jeff Somers ‘ blog to tide me over.

How I Spent My 4th

I love used book stores. My buddy, Rob, has been telling me about Chamblin’s Book Mine in Jacksonville, Florida for some time now. Today, I knew I would be in the area and so I made it a point to go there. My wife and I were excited about hitting Chamblin’s. If it was half as good as Rob described it, we’d get some great books at great prices.Funny thing is… I didn’t consider that they’d be closed on the 4th of July. They were. Arrrgh! We’ll try again the next time we’re in the area.In the meantime, have a Happy 4th of July! We’re off to see the fire works and then back home to catch some episodes of Twilight Zone Marathon on the SciFi Channel!

Only One Cooke Needed

Darwyn Cooke is one of my favorite comic book creators. I was lucky enough to get a Stallone sketch from Darwyn at MegaCon 2007. It was the last sketch that he did on the last day of the show. Whew!

If you read this interview with Darwyn posted today at Newsarama you’ll begin to understand why he’s a fan favorite.

If you read Darwyn’s The New Frontier; Batman: Ego and Other Tales; or his take on Will Eisner’s The Spirit Volume I and 2 you’ll know why.

Heck, anyone whose favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz [my all-time second favorite movie] has got to be alright in my book!