Category: Humor

Hancock

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The Overview: Hancock [Will Smith] is a super hero with a bad attitude. Of course you’d probably be a bit grumpy if you didn’t have any friends or relatives, didn’t know anything about your past, didn’t know how you got your powers and felt unappreciated for your good deeds. All of that changes when Hancock meets Ray [Jason Bateman] and his wife, Mary [Charlize Theron]. To say more would be to say too much.

The Good: Will Smith, isn’t he always? Jason Bateman. The story had some interesting plot twists — some which you can see coming and others that surprise.

The Bad: The advertising for “Hancock” — I had no desire to see this when it was at theaters, but heard some good things later from those who’d seen it on dvd. There is much more to this movie than the trailers would have you believe!

The Ugly: What happens to the two guys in prison who push Hancock just a bit too far. Yeech!

The Summary: “Hancock” isn’t a great film, but it’s much better than I thought it would be and there‘s a lot worse ways to spend an hour and a half.

Jim Ivey Packs 2 Kinds of Heat

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Yesterday John Beatty, his bride, Bella, and I drove over to Orlando to spend a little quality time with our ole buddy, Jim Ivey. The three hour marathon breakfast session included so many discussion tangents and laughs that it would be impossible to recount them all.

I will share one story though. Jim is 83 years old and he still gets up and goes on a daily early morning walk. On one of these trips as he was enjoying a hot cup of coffee and smoking one of his famous cigars a man jumped out at him from behind some bushes. Jim loudly announced: “Stay back! I’m armed!” and the man jumped back and went the other way. Knowing that Jim owns a handgun, I asked it he was carrying it. His reply, “No, but I was armed. I had a hot cup of coffee in one hand and a lit cigar in the other!”

And knowing Jim he’d have used them!

Oh, Oh, Oh! Ho, Ho, Ho!

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You all remember my buddy, Jim Ivey, right? Yeah, he’s the 83 year old political cartoonist – former owner of The Cartoon Museum in Florida – co-founder of OrlandoCon – author – teacher – card player – and all around good guy.

I received my Christmas card from Jim today and it’s a tri-fold job that he created. The first two folds are show above. Click here to see the reveal. Not only do I hope I have as much wit and energy as Jim when I’m 83, I wish that I did now.

Time for a Joke

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There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.

The first man in line started telling his story, “Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn’t find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating his fingers with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn’t kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.”

The next man came up and started his story. “St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought “Please God spare my life” and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I’m here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.”

It was now the third guy’s turn to start his story. “Well, Peter, just picture this. I’m hiding butt naked in this married chick’s refrigerator…..”

Santa vs Satan; Rocky vs Rambo Are Two Fights in Santa vs Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

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A little over a year ago, I was contacted by Jake Kalish. He said that he was writing a book about imaginary fights and was looking for expert opinions. Jake wanted me to weigh in on the Rocky vs Rambo fight. So I did. Jake recently contacted me to let me know that a copy of the book, Santa vs Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights would be coming my way and that a link to the StalloneZone was printed along with my commentary. Here’s how I saw the fight:

  • “Rocky Balboa vs John Rambo. Its the battle of the ages (and no, not because they’re, at this point, no longer spring chickens). Sylvester Stallone is brought in as the guest ref. There will be no judges as this is a fight to the finish. Rambo starts out fast and takes an early lead as he gives Rocky a beating that would kill most men… BUT… Rocky… never quits. In the later rounds Rocky made a comeback and looks to have Rambo beat. After twelve grueling rounds with both men bloody and bruised, Sylvester Stallone, in a SLY (groan) move, calls the fight a draw.” – Craig Zablo

How did the other experts see the fight? Ari Voukydis went with Rocky in an upset, Graham Thompson said it was Rambo in an easy win, and Roger Barr gave the nod to Rambo. Jake Kalish says Rambo wins via split decision.

If you’re wondering about the other fights in the book, there are some imaginative ones: Muhammad Ali vs Bruce Lee, Han Solo vs Indiana Jones, Donald Duck vs Daffy Duck, Michael Corleone vs Tony Montana, My Dad vs Your Dad, Captain Crunch vs Tony the Tiger. Each fight has expert opinions and then Jake gives us the “official” fight commentary and results.The book reminds me of junior high kids wasting an afternoon deciding “who would win if…” [Not that there’s anything wrong with that.] I do have to caution that sometimes the humor crosses the line of good taste, but if you can get past a few, “I can’t believe he wrote that moments” you’ll find plenty of chuckles as you drift back to junior high and think about “who would win if…”

– Craig