Category: Humor

Time for a Laugh

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment.

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Barnes,

I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration.  It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint.  I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.  This photo is of me selling a shovel.

Mrs. Fife

I Die at Midnight for Free

I’ve talked about what a great artist and writer Kyle Baker is many times.  On many occasions I’ve encouraged you to visit Kyle’s site.  Tonight, I’m going to once again suggest that you stop by.  If you do,  check out Kyle’s graphic novel, I Die at Midnight,

Kyle posted up the entire book which can be read for free, and told me:

I thought this might be a cool experiment, since I had the PDF anyway.  If people respond well, I’ve got about 20 books to follow it up with.  It might be nice to turn my site into a public library. We’ll see if people download it.   The fascinating thing about the web is the access to statistics. I’m often surprised at which posts get the most hits.   We’ll see if this is popular.

How cool is that?  Most folks would post up a preview and then try to get you to buy the book.  Kyle not only posts it up in its entirety, but talks about doing the same with his other books.

Kyle Baker is a great artist and writer — he’s a generous one as well.

The Inside Straight Man

When I was in college I played a lot of cards.  A whole lot.  We had friendly games at least once a week and sometimes [quite often] more than that.  There are many stories that can be told and have been told about those games.  Some of those tales have reached legendary status among those of us that were there… and our friends subjected to our “war stories.”

But I had no idea that Jim Ivey aka the “Inside Straight Man” was so well known!

Hancock

The Overview: Hancock [Will Smith] is a super hero with a bad attitude. Of course you’d probably be a bit grumpy if you didn’t have any friends or relatives, didn’t know anything about your past, didn’t know how you got your powers and felt unappreciated for your good deeds. All of that changes when Hancock meets Ray [Jason Bateman] and his wife, Mary [Charlize Theron]. To say more would be to say too much.

The Good: Will Smith, isn’t he always? Jason Bateman. The story had some interesting plot twists — some which you can see coming and others that surprise.

The Bad: The advertising for “Hancock” — I had no desire to see this when it was at theaters, but heard some good things later from those who’d seen it on dvd. There is much more to this movie than the trailers would have you believe!

The Ugly: What happens to the two guys in prison who push Hancock just a bit too far. Yeech!

The Summary: “Hancock” isn’t a great film, but it’s much better than I thought it would be and there‘s a lot worse ways to spend an hour and a half.

Jim Ivey Packs 2 Kinds of Heat

Yesterday John Beatty, his bride, Bella, and I drove over to Orlando to spend a little quality time with our ole buddy, Jim Ivey. The three hour marathon breakfast session included so many discussion tangents and laughs that it would be impossible to recount them all.

I will share one story though. Jim is 83 years old and he still gets up and goes on a daily early morning walk. On one of these trips as he was enjoying a hot cup of coffee and smoking one of his famous cigars a man jumped out at him from behind some bushes. Jim loudly announced: “Stay back! I’m armed!” and the man jumped back and went the other way. Knowing that Jim owns a handgun, I asked it he was carrying it. His reply, “No, but I was armed. I had a hot cup of coffee in one hand and a lit cigar in the other!”

And knowing Jim he’d have used them!

Oh, Oh, Oh! Ho, Ho, Ho!

You all remember my buddy, Jim Ivey, right? Yeah, he’s the 83 year old political cartoonist – former owner of The Cartoon Museum in Florida – co-founder of OrlandoConauthorteachercard player – and all around good guy.

I received my Christmas card from Jim today and it’s a tri-fold job that he created. The first two folds are show above. Click here to see the reveal. Not only do I hope I have as much wit and energy as Jim when I’m 83, I wish that I did now.

Time for a Joke

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.

The first man in line started telling his story, “Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn’t find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating his fingers with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn’t kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.”

The next man came up and started his story. “St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought “Please God spare my life” and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I’m here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.”

It was now the third guy’s turn to start his story. “Well, Peter, just picture this. I’m hiding butt naked in this married chick’s refrigerator…..”