Thinking About "Jerry’s Kids"

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For 38 years Jerry Lewis has hosted an annual telethon for muscular dystrophy and I’ve always had mixed feelings about it.
I like the idea of people opening their wallets to help those less fortunate. It’s fun to see the variety of acts. You know, stuff that would’t have a chance on tv since the days of Ed Sullivan. And I always have the hope that this year, with the money the telethon raises, a cure will be found.
Then there are the other parts. Like when the handicapped are rolled out and talked about as if they’re just to be pitied. Or when they’re referred to as “Jerry’s Kids.” That title, at least in my mind, conjures up images of handicapped children thrown out of society only to be saved after becoming one of “Jerry’s Kids.”
Jerry’s telethon raised a record $60,505,234 this weekend. No doubt that outweighs any negative thoughts I may have about it… at least until next year.

Charles Bronson – RIP

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Charles Bronson has passed on. I don’t remember the first time that I saw Charles Bronson in a movie. It may have been in “The Dirty Dozen,” or “The Magnificant Seven,” but more likely than not it was in the horror film, “The House of Wax.” When I was a little kid, it seems as if Bronson was always popping up in a co-starring role and making a bigger impact that the stars of the films. And for a period of time in the 70’s, Charles Bronson was my favorite actor.

Charles Bronson starred in some great movies. “Hard Times,” “The Mechanic,” and of course “Death Wish” are my personal favorite Bronson staring roles. You knew any movie he was in, was worth the price of admission. What more can you ask from a star? Charles Bronson has left us. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family, friends and fans.

Gibson, Wyle & More

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  • Mel Gibson spent nearly $30 million of his own money to produce, co-write and direct “The Passion.” Some say it is a classic, while others hate it. Before I form my opinion, I think I should at least see it.
  • Noah Wyle will be taking a break this season from NBC’s top-rated drama ER. Wyle is not leaving for good but will take a break this season to spend more time with his wife, and their nine-month-old son. I’ll miss him but family has to come first!
  • Eighty-four prisoners escaped from a maximum security prison in northeastern Brazil early on Saturday through a 50-yard tunnel they dug to the jungle outside, police said. Colonel Klink is said to be shocked!
  • A burglar who took a nap after breaking into an elderly woman’s house in Amsterdam was arrested after she found him asleep on her couch. He’s hoping that he’s assigned to the prison in the item above!
  • A Japanese expedition equipped with infrared cameras will scour the Nepali Himalayas for six weeks starting Sunday in search of the legendary Yeti, or abominable snowman. I don’t know who will be happier if they find proof… them or Jazz!

Shutter Island & More

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  • Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane is one of the best novels I’ve read this year. Publisher’s Weekly said it best: Shutter Island “carries an ending so shocking yet so faithful to what has come before, that it will go down as one of the most aesthetically right resolutions ever written.”
  • Gregory Hines, the award-winning tap-dancing actor who starred on Broadway and film died yesterday at the age of 57. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family, friends, and fans.
  • German producers who backed Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines” said there could be another sequel even if he succeeds in becoming Governor of California. Does this sound like a good idea to anyone?
  • After a six year absence, James Cameron has signed on to helm a film about the extreme sport of free diving. Does this sound like a good idea to anyone?
  • Britney Spears is in talks to executive produce [but not host] her very own syndicated talk show. Does this sound like a good idea to anyone?
  • Quote of the Day: “Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.” – George Adel

Odd But True

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  • Let’s start off with a strange trailer today… “Bubba Ho-Tep” is a horror-comedy starring Bruce Campbell as an old Elvis impersonator who has to fight off evil… well, take a look. If you like it, you’ll say, “Thank you… thank you very much.”
  • Michael Crichton’s best seller, Timeline, is coming to the big screen! The trailer rocks! See it and then check out the book before the movie premieres!
  • I’ve been talking about how cool “Underworld” looks — any movie with vampires and werewolves has gotta be at least somewhat cool — anyway, there’s a new trailer online now. This one just keeps looking better and better!
  • BIRMINGHAM, Mich. – Ozzy Osbourne’s tour manager, in town for the Ozzfest heavy metal music festival, was found dead in his hotel room, the Oakland County Medical Examiner’s Office said today. You just know this is going to mess Ozzy up.
  • ROCKY M0UNT, Va. (Reuters) – Prosecutors accused three teen-age boys of promoting fist fights between boys who were in their care at a summer camp and charging other campers admission to watch the boxing matches. Only in America!
  • LONDON (Reuters) – An elderly British man who lived in a run-down house, bought second-hand clothes and watched television at his neighbor’s to save on electricity left a million pounds to a dog charity and nothing to his daughters, newspapers reported on Friday. Well, dogs are man’s best friends!
  • BERLIN (Reuters) – A giant catfish that ate a dog and terrorized a German lake for years has washed up dead, but the legend of “Kuno the Killer” lives on. Well, dogs are not catfish’s best friends!
  • SAN FRANCISCO – Rick Beal wanted to grab some cash on the way to the airport — so he hired a limo and allegedly robbed a bank on the way. “Just leave the motor running… I’ll be right back!”

Rumors, Dumb Criminals & More

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  • From Dark Horizons: Looks like Tuesday’s rumor about “Big Trouble in Little China 2” was just a rumor. That’s too bad since it was such a good rumor!
  • There’s been a lot of discussion about Mel Gibson’s next film, “The Passion.” Mel hosted a special preview and the crowd reaction was very strong and very positive. I, for one, can’t wait to see it!
  • The Z Review posted an interesting tidbit: “There’s no truth to the rumor that Sly Stallone is attached to star in “Beverly Hills Cop 4”. The idea did come up, and I believe it was mentioned to Sly as part of a new 3-pic deal Para has talked to him about but word is he … passed.” Interesting to note that Paramount may have floated a 3 picture deal at Sly! [A tip of the hat to Dark Horizons]
  • From Yahoo’s “Notable Quotes for today: “I went to check with my 6-year-old about whether I should take the job… . They (his children) don’t like to sit through my other films. But this they think is great.” — SYLVESTER STALLONE telling The Philadelphia Inquirer about playing the villain in “Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over.”
  • OKLAHOMA CITY (Reuters) – What was that again? Julia Roberts accused Richard Simmons of stealing her car and wanted Ronald Reagan to arrest him. Believe it or not this is a true story! [Although those named above are NOT the celebrities but every day people caught up in life.]
  • FORT WORTH, Texas – A bank robber made the ultimate bad career move when he wrote a holdup note — on the back of his resume. OK… so now he has something else to add to his resume.

Carpenter/Russell, Hanks/Spielberg & More

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  • Dark Horizons posted an item from Wing King that talks are underway for a “Big Trouble in Little China” sequel with John Carpenter and Kurt Russell returning and Jackie Chan may be in the mix as well! Russell and Carpenter with Jackie Chan — yeah, I’m in!
  • Dark Horizons posted an item from Filmrot.com showing some new pics from the Hellboy set. This one keeps looking better and better!
  • Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg are gearing up for new 10-part WWII miniseries, which at this point is called “Untitled World War II Pacific Theater Project.” Perhaps a better name would be “Untitled Award Winning Money Making Project.”
  • LOS ANGELES – Leah Remini plays a wife on the CBS sitcom “The King of Queens” was recently married in real life. I don’t watch her show but I gotta tell ya, there is something very appealing about her…
  • LONDON (Reuters) – Criminals could avoid being taken to court if they agree to apologize personally to their victims, under plans outlined by the UK government Tuesday. “I’m really sorry I stole your money, burned down your house and kicked your puppy.” Yeah, that ought to do it.
  • SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) – A California man accused of stealing heads and other human body parts from a local hospital and stashing them at his house, posted $10,000 bail over the weekend, police said on Monday. Maybe he could just say he was “sorry.”
  • SALT LAKE CITY – The security chief for the 2002 Winter Olympics was pickpocketed while he attended the Moscow-Utah Youth Games. So how secure do you feel now?

Rodriguez, Jackson and a Pan Pizza with Everything

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BB2, 28 Days & The Goon

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  • I didn’t care much for “Bad Boys” but I really, really enjoyed “Bad Boys II.” Will Smith and Martin Lawrence have that rare screen chemistry that makes you enjoy just watching them interact. Add a script that is pedal-to-the-floor action with a good mix of humor, then throw in director Michael Bay and you have two and a half hours of fun. I”m not the only one who feels this way… BB2 opened at #1 this weekend! This movie gets a big thumbs up and a spot in my dvd library!
  • Remember when I told you about that great little zombie flick, “28 days later”? I’ve seen it twice [which is rare for me these days] and can’t wait for it to arrive on dvd. If you haven’t seen it yet, but decide to, be sure you wait through the credits! Starting July 25th an alternate ending will run!
  • Another thing that I’ve been talking up forever is The Goon comic by Eric Powell. Well, the July 25th issue of Entertainment Weekly lists The Goon at #4 in its “Must List” column. The Goon also gets an “A” rating in the same issue’s review section. ZONErs are always ahead of the curve!

Comics, Sports, Auctions & More

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  • Yesterday I told you that “The Shield” was being developed as a comic by IDW Publishing.  With the right team, this comic could really rock!
  • Steve Niles [Guns, Drugs and Monsters] is teaming with Rob Zombie to write a new comic called The Nail. It’s the story of satanic bikers and all the mischief that they can get into on any given day. The story is scheduled to begin in early 2004. I like Niles’ work so I’m going to keep up with this.
  • Orson Welles’ Oscar from “Citizen Kane,” regarded by many as the best movie ever made, is expected to fetch between $300,000 and $400,000 now that it is up for auction! You just know that Big Beatty would love this since he’s a big Welles fan. [Maybe he’ll sneak in a bid… then we could call him “Bid Beatty.”]
  • EAGLE, Colo. (Reuters) – Basketball star Kobe Bryant was charged today with sexually assaulting a 19-year-old hotel employee. In a statement, Bryant said, “I am innocent of the charges filed today. I did not assault the woman who is accusing me. I made the mistake of adultery. I have to answer to my wife and my God for my actions that night and I pray that both will forgive me.” Kobe had one of the best reputations in the league… I guess he should ask for forgiveness from the young lady as well. However this turns out it is sad for all involved.
  • If you don’t want to bid against Big Beatty for Orson Welles’ Oscar, you may want to try bidding on some personal items which belonged to JKF!
  • BERLIN (Reuters) – A German court fined a man 1,350 euros ($1,500) for attempted blackmail after he gave himself away by giving the intended victim his bank account details for the cash transfer. Another criminal mastermind who slipped up!
  • LAS VEGAS (Reuters) – Outraged by a Las Vegas company that claims to offer men a chance to stalk and shoot naked women in the Nevada desert with paintball guns, women’s groups and government agencies were scrambling to find a way to shut down such “Bambi” hunts. Now what will Big Beatty do to pass the weekends?
  • Okay, so you don’t want to bid on Orson Welles’ Oscar, and you don’t want to take a shot at JFK’s stuff… how about plunking down on a 40-year-old, handmade prototype for the G.I. Joe action doll that’s set for auction, with a record minimum bid of $600,000? I’d take a shot at it but if I won you’d have to call me G.I. Owe!
  • MELBOURNE, Australia – In a rushed grab-and-run robbery, two men with a sawed-off shotgun stole two bags of garbage from a gasoline station attendant. Police say they have no idea why the men grabbed the trash, but assumed they thought the bags contained money. One can never understand the mind of a criminal genus.
  • PANAMA CITY, Fla. – Jurors who were mooned by a defendant needed only 30 minutes Thursday to find the man guilty of armed burglary and aggravated battery. Cornell Jackson, 29, punctuated his insanity defense by loudly hooting “cuckoo-cuckoo” and then dropping his pants to moon the jury on Wednesday. How do you “hoot” “cuckoo-cuckoo”?

Movies, TV, Novels & More

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  • “Identity” features John Cusack, Ray Liotta, Amanda Peet in a sweet little mystery directed by James Mangold of “Cop Land” fame. It reminded me of something that could have been an episode from the classic years of “Twilight Zone.” It’s got a twist ending… followed by another. It’s definitely worth a rental.
  • “The Hunted” stars Benicio del Torro as a special forces soldier who has gone off the deep end and Tommy Lee Jones as the man who trained and therefore feels compelled to bring him in before more people are killed. This movie features some of the most brutal and realistic knife fights ever put on film [way to go Rafael!] If you like action/adventure then this one may be worth a look.
  • “A Man Apart” could have been so much better. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great. Vin Diesel plays a cop whose wife is murdered after he brings down a drug lord. Vin then goes after his wife’s killers. I’m glad I saw it and you may be too if there’s nothing better on…
  • Michael Crow has with just two books, become one of my favorite authors. I told you about him after I’d finished his first book, Red Rain. It was one of the best crime novels I’d read in years. Well, I’ve finished his second, The Bite, and it is just as good. Check him out, you’ll thank me later!
  • Miramax Films and Quentin Tarantino,the writer-director of ’90s landmarks “Pulp Fiction” and “Reservoir Dogs” have announced unusual plans to splice his long-awaited new action film, “Kill Bill,” into two movies and release them within months of each other. It’ll be interesting to see if fans will turn out since “Kill Bill” doesn’t have the built in fan base of “The Lord of the Rings” or “The Matrix.”
  • NEW YORK – One of Sharon Osbourne’s dogs was eaten by a coyote — and husband Ozzy Osbourne managed to save another dog from a similar fate. As a dog owner, I can imagine the pain that they’re going through.
  • The Emmy nominations have been announced and here’s who I’m pulling for… Best Drama Series: “24” / Best Actor in a Drama: Michael Chiklis for “The Shield” / Best Actress in a Drama: Jennifer Garner for “Alias” / Best Supporting Actor in a Drama: John Spencer for “The West Wing” / Best Supporting Actress in a Drama: Lena Olin for “Alias” / Best Comedy Series: “Everybody Loves Raymond” / Best Actor in a Comedy Series: Ray Romano for “Everybody Loves Raymond” / Actress in a Comedy Series: Patricia Heaton for “Everybody Loves Raymond” / Supporting Actor in a Comedy: Peter Boyle for “Everybody Loves Raymond” / Supporting Actress / Comedy: Doris Roberts for “Everybody Loves Raymond”
  • Since we’re talking about the best in television… one of the best shows on tv will soon become a comic. “The Shield” is going to be published by IDW — the same people who publish the comic adaptation for “CSI” and Steve Niles’ novels [like Guns, Drugs and Monsters and Savage Membrane]. This could turn into something very cool.
  • SANTA FE, N.M (Reuters) – A New Mexico family is suing their local Catholic church over a funeral Mass in which they claim a priest said their relative was only a middling Catholic and going straight to hell. And that was the nicest thing he could find to say??
  • ALBANY, N.Y. (Reuters) – A convicted murderer wants the state of New York to pay $500,000 for his sex change and a key ruling in his case has moved him closer to his dream of serving the rest of his sentence in a women’s jail. Yeah, he’s a convicted murderer, let’s help him achieve dream. Yeah, that would be REAL justice.

Old School, Devil, Arnie & More

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  • If you like comedies then you might want to check out “Old School” starring Will Farrell, Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn as three guys in their thirties who decide to have a little fun. The scene with the wedding singer adding his personal touch to a song is hysterical!
  • If you’re more into drama and mystery, then you might like “Devil in a Blue Dress” based on the best selling book by Walter Mosley. I read the book years ago and loved it and finally got around to seeing the film today. Don Cheadle streals the show. I say check ’em both out, if you like this sort of thing.
  • Police in the Canadian province of Manitoba say a pricey piece of jewelry purloined from the set of Jennifer Lopez’s now shooting romantic drama, “Shall We Dance?,” turned up along with a murdered and dismembered man in a hotel room. This sounds like something out of a movie!
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting ready to decide on his next film. It looks like it is down to “Big Sir” or a remake of “Westworld.” Schwarzenegger is also developing a “Conan the Barbarian” sequel, to be produced by Larry and Andy Wachowski, you know, “The Matrix” brothers! I say do “Westworld” and follow up with “King Conan!”
  • “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl,” opened at number one this week. The real surprise was that last week’s champion, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines,” fell two places to No. 3 in its second weekend with $19.6 million. Its 55 percent slide was one of the steepest in the top 10. Where’s James Cameron when you need him?
  • PHOENIXVILLE, Pa. – The town where “The Blob” first made horror history is celebrating the movie monster that made it a star. “The Blob” isn’t a horror movie that usually comes quickly to mind but it was one of the best made in the ’50’s!

Pirates, Gentlemen & More

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  • “Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl” went looking for early box office gold and found it by digging up an estimated $23.8 million in its first two days in theaters. When I first heard about this one I thought it would sink… now I wouldn’t mind seeing it!
  • “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” on the other hand, was one that I wanted to see… but now I think I’ll wait for dvd.
  • “Go Inside: Animal House,” a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the movie will air on TNN in August. “Animal House” was a “must-see” movie when it came out — and I’ll be watching for this special as well!
  • VIENNA (Reuters) – A round of “schnapps” on the house landed an Austrian waiter and his customers in hospital after he served them dishwasher fluid that left them with internal burns. I’d love to be the lawyer on this one.
  • LIMA, Peru (Reuters) – Lacking the proper instruments, a Peruvian doctor at a state hospital in the Andean highlands used a drill and pliers to perform brain surgery on a man. Give that doc some duct tape and there’s no telling what he could accomplish!
  • LONDON (Reuters) – Scientists are lobbying to build the world’s most powerful microscope, an instrument so advanced that it can see individual atoms moving.
  • MOSCOW (Reuters) – Two Russian nudists have been struck by lightning at a beach on the Moscow river while taking cover from a thunderstorm under a tree. Ouch! I’ll bet that left a mark!
  • NEW YORK (Reuters) – In the 1950s Americans were told to hide under tables if a nuclear bomb went off — an infamous warning that became the butt of endless jokes. Now amid a high terror alert, New York is giving its residents the same advice. Well… that advice is better than “go to the light! [Although not much]
  • SANTIAGO, Chile (Reuters) – Chilean scientists say that a huge blob of flesh found on a Pacific beach about three weeks ago is the carcass of a sperm whale. 
  • ATHENS, Greece – Greece has declared war on bad cheese. Quick, somebody warn Big Beatty!
  • Last night I finished reading Andy McNab’s Firewall. It’s the third in his Nick Stone series and well worth a look if you like action and intrigue!

Scorsese & More

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    • Martin Scorsese has signed on to executive produce a Sci Fi Channel miniseries targeted to premiere in 2005. “The Twelve” chronicles an FBI agent’s confrontation with a bizarre series of events he suspects to be signs of an impending apocalypse timed for the Twelfth Day of Christmas. Sounds like something that I will watch! 

    • STOCKHOLM (Reuters) – A 27-year-old Swede was charged on Wednesday with taking part in the armed robbery of his own parents, during which his mother was shot in the arm. And to think my mom was disappointed when I forgot to take out the trash…

 

  • TOKYO (Reuters) – Trouble-prone sumo grand champion Asashoryu, a Mongolian, landed himself in hot water again after being disqualified for hair-pulling during a bout. Maybe his opponent should have wore a bigger thong? Yikes!

 

 

  • PHOENIX – Jenny Lopez’s home is a pile of rubble after a demolition crew mistakenly tore down the wrong house. I don’t think that saying “sorry” is going to cut it for this one.

 

 

  • TULSA, Okla. – A would-be burglar in Tulsa, Okla., has forgetfulness to blame for his arrest. Police say the suspect took clothing and removed the sensor tags from them. But as he was leaving the store, alarms that detect the sensors in the tags went off. Police say he told store employees he forgot he put the 12 tags in his pants pocket. Another criminal mastermind brought to justice!

 

Haunted Mansion, Blade 3 & More

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  • Ain’t It Cool News has posted a link to “The Haunted Mansion” trailer. What’s scary is that I loved the ride but don’t think that the movie is going to be for me!
  • “Blade III” starts filming on September 23rd and Filmjerk .com has the scoop! [A tip of the hat to Dark Horizons as well!] I didn’t like “Blade” but loved “Blade II” so I don’t know what to expect with “3.”
  • Dark Horizons reports that there are talks of making “Predator 3” from a script done by Robert Rodriguez a few years ago. Can I buy my ticket now?
  • MTV announced Tuesday it has signed The Osbournes for 20 more episodes, scheduled to begin airing early next year. Well that’s just #$!@^ great!
  • Burt Reynolds plays an inmate and Bruce Dern, plays a sheriff who team up to track down an escaped felon in the late 1800s-era Western “Hard Ground,” a new Hallmark Channel movie airing Saturday. You know, I just may just have to check this out.
  • DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. – A former stripper is demanding an end to the new cable television show “Stripperella,” an animated series featuring Pamela Anderson as the voice of a stripper who moonlights as a superhero. Daytona Beach, Florida Stripper!?! I’ll bet we could talk Big Beatty into following up on this story in person!
  • LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (Reuters) – An Arkansas lawyer has been charged with using the U.S. Postal Service to send a man a deadly poisonous copperhead snake, federal prosecutors say. Man, I find that kind of behavior totally objectionable.
  • BERLIN (Reuters) – A German oil delivery man who got his addresses mixed up accidentally pumped 5,280 pints of heating oil straight into a house’s basement. I don’t think that saying “sorry” is going to cut it for this one.
  • HARRISBURG, Pa. – An escaped inmate made it easy for police to track him down: He used his prisoner ID card to check into a hotel. Sometimes I wonder how these criminal masterminds ever get caught… and then again…
  • Terry Wallis, who slipped into a coma after a 1984 car accident, spoke last month for the first time in 19 years to the surprise of doctors and the delight of his family. He’ll be like a man out of time for a while… cell phones, personal computers, dvds, Big Beatty.com..