10 Of History’s Most Cartoonish Deaths

We all know that at some point, we’ll pass on.  Our best hope is that the end will come peacefully, after a long, happy life.  Sadly, that is not always the case.

Micah Hirsch and Listverse present 10 Of History’s Most Cartoonish Deaths.   Here are the three that struck me as being the most avoidable had the deceased used a bit more sense before becoming deceased.

10 Demonstrating A Suicide
On June 17, 1871, Representative Clement Vallandigham of Ohio died in the name of justice—accidentally. Retiring to his law practice after a life of treason, Vallandigham was attempting to prove a client innocent of murder by arguing that the victim shot himself.Prior to the trial, Vallandigham headed to open land to determine the level of residue left by a point-blank shot and then left the field with three live rounds in his pistol. Arriving back at his hotel, he was handed a parcel with the unloaded gun used by the victim. He laid that gun beside his own pistol. Leaving his suite, he pocketed the deadlier of the two choices of weaponry.Confident in his case, he entertained a hotel visitor with a live demonstration of his argument. It’s fair to say that it was very convincing. While Vallandigham wasn’t present for the occasion, his client was ultimately cleared. And though the novelty had worn off, another man met his death in the same fashion while trying to demonstrate how Vallandigham killed himself.

Craig says: If you’re going to demonstrate (not just tell, but demonstrate) how a person committed suicide using a pistol, why not double or triple check that your pistol is not loaded?

And furthermore, if you’re going to demonstrate (not just tell, but demonstrate) how a man who was demonstrating how a person accidentally killed himself with a loaded pistol and then went on to accidentally kill himself, why not just not?

4 Exactly As Advertised
Working at Toronto’s TD Centre, Garry Hoy had a habit of bodychecking windows to demonstrate their tensile strength in front of impressionable youths. Hoy, a partner at Holden Day Wilson LLP, worked on the 24th floor of the building. He was clearly impressed by the skyscraper’s workmanship. However, his habit of slamming into windows as a testament to the structure was never approved by any known building code in the world.  On July 9, 1993, he was entertaining a group of articling students with his old tricks on the 24th floor. While the window in question held through one run of Hoy battering against it, the glass popped out of the frame on the second run, sending Hoy into free fall. He died of his injuries soon after.

Craig says: “Let me prove to you how safe our windows are.  I’m going to run into it at full force 24 stories above the ground.”  BAM!  “Impressive, huh? Let me show you agaaaaaaaaaaa”

7 Tripped By A Beard
Hans Steininger, a 16th-century town mayor, is best known in Braunau am Inn for his 1.4-meter-long (4.5 ft) beard. In his life, he was very popular with the townsfolk and served multiple terms, but his untimely end serves as the most memorable aspect of his legacy.In 1567, a large fire sent the town into panic. Steininger, who usually rolled up his beard in a pouch that he carried with him, unfortunately had his beard hanging free amid the chaos. At some point during the ruckus, his foot caught on his beard and he tumbled down a flight of stairs, ultimately breaking his neck. Today, the town features a full-body illustration of the man carved in rock that is displayed on the side of St. Stephan’s Church. His beard is engraved in its entire length as it is a celebrity in the town’s cultural memory.

Craig says:  “My long beard will make me famous throughout history,” claimed Steininger.  “Indeed it will” responded Craig.